Hows about advice for parents on how to keep their child free friends for once?

This is from the "Married, No Kids" section of Bella Online. Thanks for the useless and condescending advice that I've heard about a million and a half times. Maybe, one day, someone will write a column for parents about how to keep their childfree friends...doubtful. It is not my fault that a person chooses to completely upend their life by having children. Nor is it my duty to make my life without children seem sad, lonely or boring when chatting with parents to keep them from getting wistful for the lives they chose to give up.


Keeping Friendships with New Moms
I’ve felt it many times. That dread in the pit of your stomach when a friend announces she’s having a baby.
(Kind of , except my dread is more "Why? Why would you do that? Seriously?! The world sucks, and it's not getting any better you know.")

I panic.
(I give up.)

What will happen to our friendship? Will we still be friends? Will she still have time for me? What on earth will we talk about?
(We all know....you will try to be friends, but she won't have time because she can't leave the child with it's father for any length of time, though if you want to hang out with her and the baby, that'd be great because then we can also talk about the baby, while looking at it sleep. Now that sounds like a full pants load of fun.)

It can be scary, and sad, and depressing. And on top of all that, you feel GUILTY because you aren’t just plain old happy for her.
(I don't feel guilty for not being happy for a pregnancy. I do feel odd for feeling so indifferent, but not really, it's just how I am.)

As you navigate the waters ahead, keep the following things in mind:

1. First and foremost, understand that things WILL be different. Your friend is going to have some serious new responsibilities in her life that are going to take up her time, money, and energy. While spontaneous weekend trips to the beach might be a thing of the past (for now – kids do eventually grow up!), there are plenty of other things you can still do together. Meet for lunch, see a movie, go out for coffee. Your friend will surely enjoy the adult company!
(First and foremost, understand that things probably haven't changed with your childfree friend's life. They still work, have their hobbies, maintain relationships with others, and may even be following the news. Just because your life has stopp-er changed, don't expect theirs to have done the same.)

2. She is going to be experiencing things you won’t be able to understand. But you can empathize with her. A pregnant friend might be feeling terrible toward the end of her pregnancy. Even though you’ve never had a baby, you have felt under the weather before. Try to relate the best you can. Bring over a movie and something she’s been craving. She will most definitely appreciate it!
(Your friend will continue to experience things you may have once understood, but now have completely changed since you've had a baby. Her life may indeed not revolve around children, a husband (or partner), lactation consultants, baby proofing, diaper changes, the newest and biggest strollers or housekeeping. Her life may indeed revolve around her job, friends, family, partner, hobbies and a myriad of other things. )

3. As much as you might want to, DO NOT offer parenting advice!! Even if you think you know what you’re talking about, I guarantee your comments will not be appreciated, even if you are relating advice from a co-worker or another friend. But you can offer some resources for her, if you are so inclined. As a historian, I do lots of research on a daily basis. When my sister was having trouble getting my nephew to sleep, I found a couple of books for her on Amazon that I thought might help. I also recognize that I’m not a parent, and what might seem so “easy” to me, probably isn’t.
(As much as you want, DO NOT offer unsolicited dating advice, advice on how to get pregnant, how to snag/oops a man, buy a house or where to get the best deal on a huge white wedding gown. Just because your life and priorities have fallen well within the confines of Life Script(tm), don't assume she has any desire whatsoever to go down that path, and may indeed be quite happy with how her life is at this moment. Also remember, commenting on ones judgment and offering parenting advice are two vastly different things. And yes, parents CAN have poor judgment too.)

4. The people I’ve stayed friends with after parenthood are the ones whose lives have stayed well-rounded. Of course they want to talk about their kids. That’s as natural for them as me wanting to talk about my cats or my job or my vacation plans. That’s what’s important to them right now, and I respect that. But the ones who drone on and on exclusively about their kids are the ones I don’t talk to much anymore. Just like I avoid the people who only want to brag about their promotion or talk incessantly about their animal rescue work or their health problems. Everything in moderation, people!
(The reason why your friend doesn't have children might just be that they have no desire whatsoever to have them in their lives. Accept the fact that your friend won't want to talk exclusively about your child, and accept the fact that you will have to hear about their life if you start talking about your life. Oh, and don't get all pissy when you start feeling like your friend's life is totally fabulous and fun. It is, and yours could have been too, but you made the choice to have a child and change your life.)

5. Don’t start keeping track. If your friend doesn’t return an email or a phone call right away, try to be understanding of her new schedule. And be sensitive to her new lifestyle. When my sister had my nephew last year, I told her that I was reluctant to call her in the evenings. She works all day, and I know she only has a few precious hours with her son before he has to go to bed. Plus he is NOT a good sleeper, and the last thing I wanted was to wake him up with the phone ringing. So I told her to call me when she had the chance. If too many days went by without hearing from her, I’d send her an email to find out when she’d be free to talk for awhile.
(Yes, blow her off. Miss your dates and appointments with no notice. Never fulfill an obligation or promise. That said, do not expect your childfree friend to drop everything the moment you do manage to eke out some free time. Their life did not stop when YOU choose to have a child. If you stand them up too much, or only use them for babysitting and favors, and they stop contacting you, you may as well accept the fact that you have lost yourself a friend.)

6. Babies are huge time-suckers. They will occupy almost every waking moment of your friend’s time. They are dependent on her for every waking need. But this too shall pass. In a few years, your friend’s kids will be older and she will start to loose the dark circles around her eyes. She might even start showering every day again! Be patient. Eventually she will have more time to go out and have some fun with you.
(Maybe, just maybe, if you had the baby with a man you trusted, or with a man who actually wanted to be a father, as opposed to the first sperm donor with the strongest swimmers, you could leave the baby for that person to care for once in a great while, eh? Gee...ya think?! Oh wait, men can't do ANYTHING that would involve caring for something, that's crazy talk!! He'd, like, bury it in the yard, blow it up or install it in the car somehow. So yes, expect your childfree friend to sit by the phone, waiting, hoping, longing for that one day when you finally gets a chance to pull your head out your uterus and decide you can now return to living in society.)

7. Offer to do something to help your frazzled friend. Bring over the ingredients to make dinner for her and her family, or offer to pick up a pizza or some take-out for them. She will really appreciate the help, and that’s what friends are for, right? (Plus the added bonus is you get to spend some time with her!)
(Feel free to pay attention to your friends life and offer some company or help if she's having a bad run of it. Or perhaps consider that your friend might still enjoy spending time with YOU. Take a night off, leave the baby with a responsible person and go to a movie, get some coffee or just hang out together. Talk about things that don't involve the baby (pssst! you can listen to the news, or read, while your child sleeps) Ask your friend how HER life is going, and what's new with her. Feel free to use her as your connection to an enjoyable part of the world you may have lost touch with, music, comics, books, art, sewing...whatever. Don't expect her to show up with a full dinner and a broom if she was never that type of person.)

8. Sometimes friends grow apart, for all kinds of reasons, and there’s nothing you can do about that. I only exchange Christmas cards now with people I used to talk to on a daily basis. Some have kids, and some don’t. Lives can take many paths, and sometimes our relationships don’t survive. But you will always have the memories you share with them. Different people come into our lives for different reasons at different times. Remember, no one can replace a friend you’ve lost along the way, but don’t close yourself off to making new friends who share common interests with you.
(Give up! GIVE UP! Seriously, do you really need some total stranger tell you "it's okay to make new friends"?)