10.21.2008

Well, MY WORT is infectious...

Tonight I am the sub-sub for Ms. Jenni's Leopard Print Lounge. While she's in Italy, looking at the crotches of the Ballet Trocadero, her husband the wonderous Dave 3000 has been filling in for her. Now he's gone to Italy to fill her in, and I'm subbing. As a result, I'm the sub-sub- host and I'm totally going to NOT stink up the place this time. Or at least I'll open a window.

If you'd like to experience the horror, feel free to visit WORT's home page, and click on the archived shows tab. Then look for Leopard Print Lounge....oh, and you've only got a week. If it's been more than a week, you'll have to satisfy yourself with reading the play list and using your imagination.

Sparks - I've Never Been High - Exotic Creatures of the Deep
XTC - Grass - Skylarking
Tom Heinl - Half Day Vacation - With or Without Me
Cheech & Chong - Sargent Stadanko - Cheech & Chong's Greatest Hit

The Who - A Quick One (While He's Away) - BBC Sessions (Q)
Parts and Labor - Satellites - Receivers
Wire - One of Us - Object 47 (N)
Frank Zappa - Flakes - Sheik Yerbouti (Q)

Joseph Arthur & The Lonely Astronauts - Look Into The Sky - Temporary People (N)
Love and Rockets - Mirror People - Earth, Sun, Moon
Clinic - Free Not Free - Do It!
The Dirtbombs - Leopardman At T&A - We Have You Surrounded

The Cramps - Love Me/Strychnine/TV Set - How To Make A Monster
William Shatner - Common People - Has Been

Messer Chups - Anton LaVey 66.6FM - Crazy Price (Q)

Messer Chups - Inferno Image - www.myspace.com/messerchups (Q)
The Fall - Telephone Thing - 50,000 Fall Fans Can't Be Wrong
Coyle & Sharpe - Sandor 21 - On The Loose
Kaada - All Wrong - Thank You For Giving Me Your Valuable Time
Killer Pussy - Pocket Pool - Vally Girl Sndtrk.

Alien Sex Fiend - Eat! Eat! Eat! (An Eye For An Eye) - Curse (Q)
Black Diamond Heavies - Numbers 22 - A Touch Of Someone Else's Class
El Vez - Mexican Radio - Gracias Land (Q)
Bongwater - Ye Olde Backlash - The Big Sell-Out

King Kahn & His Shrines - Killer Diller - Billiards at Nine Thirty
The Blues Magoos - Tobacco Road - The Best of...
Phyllis Diller - Don't Eat Here/The Way I Dress - Are You Ready For...?
Earthling Society - The Boy With The X-Ray Eyes - Beauty & The Beast (N)
Of Montreal - An Eluardian Instance - Skeletal Lamping (N)

Devo - Come Back Jonee - Are We Not Men?
Mitch Hedberg - Arrows/Saved by the Bouyancy of Citrus/Mitch is the S'th - Mitch All Together
Love - The Good Humor Man He Sees Everything Like This - Forever Changes

N= New
Q = Question or Request

10.16.2008

The Death of Roller Derby.

This is my manifesto.
5 years ago, I saw a flier seeking girls interested in wearing skates and hitting other girls. I went to the first meeting of what became one of the influential leagues in first wave of the roller derby resurgence. I began skating with that league at a time when there were few rules, lots of creativity, and fighting and cheating were encouraged. Roller derby was "marketed" as scrappy girls in wacky/sexy uniforms knocking each other around. The only purpose rules and refs served was to provide a moderate framework for the safety of the players and to keep things from getting too out of hand.

This past weekend I helped out at an 18 league tournament. (That's more leagues in one place than were in existence when I started.) It was an awesome event with plenty of exciting roller derby action that allowed me to see how far the sport has come, or fallen, depending on your point of view. In my point of view, I think roller derby is falling into some sphere that I will have a really hard time enjoying and participating in should it continue to move in that direction.

Where I come from, people go to see roller derby because of the scrappy girls. They don't care how sexy these girls are, they don't care about the officiants, the announcers or , in most cases, the score. What they want to see is girls on skates knocking each other down with a minimal number of interruptions for penalties and injuries. They want to have a tough game where people do anything possible to get their jammer through the pack. They do not pay money to watch a bunch of people skate fast in a circle.

My biggest problem with where the sport is going is the Refs. People who chose to referee sports should have a genuine interest in the sport, officiating the rules and maintaining the safety of the game. These people should not have an interest in specific players, should not have an interest in showing off how cool or tough they are, shouldn't be hanging out with the teams on a social basis and should not be blowing their whistle for any reason beyond unsafe play. No one goes to a sport to see the fucking officials, period. Do not be an official if you need to have people pay attention to you, or you need to control people but couldn't make it in the police academy. Unfortunately, this is just the type of person who seems to be most drawn to referee roller derby. I believe refs have worked to increase the complexity and number of rules to the point where they've had to increase their numbers beyond all reason (name me one single sport where there are less than 2 players per ref). It is impossible to enforce the massive number of unnecessary rules fairly without having a ridicilous number of refs. What I saw at the tourney was a bunch of guys in black and white shirts show boating their skating skills, throwing snit fits because the score board was "confusing" (to them only) or the tape was wrong and hanging out with the players on a social basis. Does this happen in ANY OTHER SPORT? No. No it does not. Having a massive number of rules, where most of them have nothing to do with player safety, and fratrinizing, show boating refs just diminishes the toughness of the game, and makes it LESS professional and more boring.

And there's my second biggest complaint about where roller derby is going ... Professionalism. I understand that the people who play this sport want to be taken seriously. They are taking serious hits, having serious falls and really putting themselves on the line health-wise. The hits, falls and injuries are REAL. In my experience all I, and most other skaters, wanted people to know was no results were predetermined and all the hitting and falling was actually painful. However, during the tourney I overheard many comments about the professionalisim; some girls weren't dressed enough, some names were too dirty and how "awesome" it would be for this sport to be part of the Olympics. NO!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!! It's Roller Derby, not beach volley ball or WNBA. A big part of roller derby is your roller derby persona, which includes your name and the individual flair you give your uniform. What draws many women to roller derby, as opposed to other sports, is it's allowance for individuality and creativity (and the fact that it's full contact). You do get to pick your own name, you do get to alter your own uniform. If you are comfortable skating in your underware, then you get to skate in your underware. If you want to call yourself "Anita Flippabitch" then you get to do that. If the audience has a problem with that, they can get fucked, because they aren't skating. If a parent has a problem explaining the skater names or uniforms to their child, then they can go to fucking Chuck E. Cheeze so they won't have to have that conversation. To make it more professional, family friendly or uniform (in the uniform department) is to kill everything that makes it awesome, and draws people who would not otherwise pay to see a sport.

I just have a few questions.
What is so wrong with Roller Derby spending it's entire life as a relatively small, underground, amature, community-based event?
What is so wrong with the roller derby league in your community serving as something that helps keep the local roller rink open for another few years?
What is so wrong with people volunteering their time to help put on bouts, as opposed to paying to contract out so it's "professional" and "standardized"?
What is so right with diluting the basic essence of a very unique sport to keep it "family friendly" to get "major corporate sponsors"? Or simply so a small number of people can make massive amounts of money off the all the hard work we've put in on our own with no help from them to begin with?
What don't you like about spending a relatively small amount of money (compared to "professional" sports events) to hang out with your friends, see some awesome girls skate and knock eachother around and more likely than not, go hang out with them at the after party?


***I'll add here, I don't skate any more, but continue to participate as a mascot and support person. It has nothing to do with the issues in my manifesto above, but everything to do with the fact that I enjoy being able to do things like bend my knees and move without pain. Yes, I am a wuss.

10.15.2008

Hows about advice for parents on how to keep their child free friends for once?

This is from the "Married, No Kids" section of Bella Online. Thanks for the useless and condescending advice that I've heard about a million and a half times. Maybe, one day, someone will write a column for parents about how to keep their childfree friends...doubtful. It is not my fault that a person chooses to completely upend their life by having children. Nor is it my duty to make my life without children seem sad, lonely or boring when chatting with parents to keep them from getting wistful for the lives they chose to give up.


Keeping Friendships with New Moms

I’ve felt it many times. That dread in the pit of your stomach when a friend announces she’s having a baby.
(Kind of , except my dread is more "Why? Why would you do that? Seriously?! The world sucks, and it's not getting any better you know.")

I panic.
(I give up.)

What will happen to our friendship? Will we still be friends? Will she still have time for me? What on earth will we talk about?
(We all know....you will try to be friends, but she won't have time because she can't leave the child with it's father for any length of time, though if you want to hang out with her and the baby, that'd be great because then we can also talk about the baby, while looking at it sleep. Now that sounds like a full pants load of fun.)

It can be scary, and sad, and depressing. And on top of all that, you feel GUILTY because you aren’t just plain old happy for her.
(I don't feel guilty for not being happy for a pregnancy. I do feel odd for feeling so indifferent, but not really, it's just how I am.)

As you navigate the waters ahead, keep the following things in mind:

1. First and foremost, understand that things WILL be different. Your friend is going to have some serious new responsibilities in her life that are going to take up her time, money, and energy. While spontaneous weekend trips to the beach might be a thing of the past (for now – kids do eventually grow up!), there are plenty of other things you can still do together. Meet for lunch, see a movie, go out for coffee. Your friend will surely enjoy the adult company!
(First and foremost, understand that things probably haven't changed with your childfree friend's life. They still work, have their hobbies, maintain relationships with others, and may even be following the news. Just because your life has stopp-er changed, don't expect theirs to have done the same.)

2. She is going to be experiencing things you won’t be able to understand. But you can empathize with her. A pregnant friend might be feeling terrible toward the end of her pregnancy. Even though you’ve never had a baby, you have felt under the weather before. Try to relate the best you can. Bring over a movie and something she’s been craving. She will most definitely appreciate it!
(Your friend will continue to experience things you may have once understood, but now have completely changed since you've had a baby. Her life may indeed not revolve around children, a husband (or partner), lactation consultants, baby proofing, diaper changes, the newest and biggest strollers or housekeeping. Her life may indeed revolve around her job, friends, family, partner, hobbies and a myriad of other things. )

3. As much as you might want to, DO NOT offer parenting advice!! Even if you think you know what you’re talking about, I guarantee your comments will not be appreciated, even if you are relating advice from a co-worker or another friend. But you can offer some resources for her, if you are so inclined. As a historian, I do lots of research on a daily basis. When my sister was having trouble getting my nephew to sleep, I found a couple of books for her on Amazon that I thought might help. I also recognize that I’m not a parent, and what might seem so “easy” to me, probably isn’t.
(As much as you want, DO NOT offer unsolicited dating advice, advice on how to get pregnant, how to snag/oops a man, buy a house or where to get the best deal on a huge white wedding gown. Just because your life and priorities have fallen well within the confines of Life Script(tm), don't assume she has any desire whatsoever to go down that path, and may indeed be quite happy with how her life is at this moment. Also remember, commenting on ones judgment and offering parenting advice are two vastly different things. And yes, parents CAN have poor judgment too.)

4. The people I’ve stayed friends with after parenthood are the ones whose lives have stayed well-rounded. Of course they want to talk about their kids. That’s as natural for them as me wanting to talk about my cats or my job or my vacation plans. That’s what’s important to them right now, and I respect that. But the ones who drone on and on exclusively about their kids are the ones I don’t talk to much anymore. Just like I avoid the people who only want to brag about their promotion or talk incessantly about their animal rescue work or their health problems. Everything in moderation, people!
(The reason why your friend doesn't have children might just be that they have no desire whatsoever to have them in their lives. Accept the fact that your friend won't want to talk exclusively about your child, and accept the fact that you will have to hear about their life if you start talking about your life. Oh, and don't get all pissy when you start feeling like your friend's life is totally fabulous and fun. It is, and yours could have been too, but you made the choice to have a child and change your life.)

5. Don’t start keeping track. If your friend doesn’t return an email or a phone call right away, try to be understanding of her new schedule. And be sensitive to her new lifestyle. When my sister had my nephew last year, I told her that I was reluctant to call her in the evenings. She works all day, and I know she only has a few precious hours with her son before he has to go to bed. Plus he is NOT a good sleeper, and the last thing I wanted was to wake him up with the phone ringing. So I told her to call me when she had the chance. If too many days went by without hearing from her, I’d send her an email to find out when she’d be free to talk for awhile.
(Yes, blow her off. Miss your dates and appointments with no notice. Never fulfill an obligation or promise. That said, do not expect your childfree friend to drop everything the moment you do manage to eke out some free time. Their life did not stop when YOU choose to have a child. If you stand them up too much, or only use them for babysitting and favors, and they stop contacting you, you may as well accept the fact that you have lost yourself a friend.)

6. Babies are huge time-suckers. They will occupy almost every waking moment of your friend’s time. They are dependent on her for every waking need. But this too shall pass. In a few years, your friend’s kids will be older and she will start to loose the dark circles around her eyes. She might even start showering every day again! Be patient. Eventually she will have more time to go out and have some fun with you.
(Maybe, just maybe, if you had the baby with a man you trusted, or with a man who actually wanted to be a father, as opposed to the first sperm donor with the strongest swimmers, you could leave the baby for that person to care for once in a great while, eh? Gee...ya think?! Oh wait, men can't do ANYTHING that would involve caring for something, that's crazy talk!! He'd, like, bury it in the yard, blow it up or install it in the car somehow. So yes, expect your childfree friend to sit by the phone, waiting, hoping, longing for that one day when you finally gets a chance to pull your head out your uterus and decide you can now return to living in society.)

7. Offer to do something to help your frazzled friend. Bring over the ingredients to make dinner for her and her family, or offer to pick up a pizza or some take-out for them. She will really appreciate the help, and that’s what friends are for, right? (Plus the added bonus is you get to spend some time with her!)
(Feel free to pay attention to your friends life and offer some company or help if she's having a bad run of it. Or perhaps consider that your friend might still enjoy spending time with YOU. Take a night off, leave the baby with a responsible person and go to a movie, get some coffee or just hang out together. Talk about things that don't involve the baby (pssst! you can listen to the news, or read, while your child sleeps) Ask your friend how HER life is going, and what's new with her. Feel free to use her as your connection to an enjoyable part of the world you may have lost touch with, music, comics, books, art, sewing...whatever. Don't expect her to show up with a full dinner and a broom if she was never that type of person.)

8. Sometimes friends grow apart, for all kinds of reasons, and there’s nothing you can do about that. I only exchange Christmas cards now with people I used to talk to on a daily basis. Some have kids, and some don’t. Lives can take many paths, and sometimes our relationships don’t survive. But you will always have the memories you share with them. Different people come into our lives for different reasons at different times. Remember, no one can replace a friend you’ve lost along the way, but don’t close yourself off to making new friends who share common interests with you.
(Give up! GIVE UP! Seriously, do you really need some total stranger tell you "it's okay to make new friends"?)