The following common sense hints for parents are from this article by Captain Obvious. Thank you Captain Obvious!
1. Assemble your children's outfits when you put clothes away in their drawers. Then you can quickly grab a full outfit without having to waste time scouring the drawers for a matching shirt and pair of pants.
Or maybe rethink the idea of matching outfits for every day use...I mean seriously, if you're picking out your kid's clothes, they're probably at an age where they'll have to wear more than one outfit per day due to filth (and not the good filth). Let me hip you to this fact...babies and toddlers don't care one iota if what they wear matches. Here's something else to hip you to, if it takes more than a couple of minutess to find socks, pants or a shirt for your child, you might just have too many goddamned clothes.
2. When you see a great toy on sale, buy several and sock them away for your child to give to friends at birthday parties throughout the year.
After all, it's not the thought behind the gift, but the mere fact you gave a gift that counts.
3. Give your grade-schooler a "homework box" with pencils, an eraser, a stapler, a calculator, and a ruler. Ask her to bring it to the table whenever it's time to do homework.
WTF? Shouldn't these things already be in one place called "backpack" or "book bag"? At least, that's where I kept my ruler, pencils, erasers, AND homework. Then I would take my backpack to the kitchen table, where I sat to do my homework. When I was done, I'd put it all back in my backpack.
4. Forget about addressing your party invitations by hand. Go to the United States Postal Service website to create party invitations that can be shipped to addresses you upload to the site. Or, have your own photo printed onto a postcard invitation at Snapfish and they'll stamp the cards and mail them for you.
Or maybe you don't need to invite EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO HAS EVER MET YOUR CHILD to it's party, maybe your child's party should just be for family and close friends. Trust me when I say the people who've met your kid a couple times, or who you've only showed pictures of your child, don't care. Here's another novel idea, don't send out invites...since you're using the internets, just use email or an electronic invite service. You'll have to spend time typing anyway and these are free. (Trust me,everyone will forget what your mailed invites looked like within 2 hours of the parties end - sooner if it's a good party)
5. Stock your produce drawer or a lower shelf in your refrigerator with snacks like carrot sticks and apple slices that your kids can grab without your help. Set up a similar area in your pantry with baggies full of dried fruit or graham crackers.
If you need to be told this, you shouldn't have had children. There have been snack drawers for at least the past 30 years, it doesn't take a brain to stock them with healthy snacks.
6. Skip ironing and get wrinkles out of a shirt or pair of trousers by putting them in the dryer for 15 minutes with a damp hand towel.
While I will admit this is a good one, but...the wrinkle reducing properties of steam are pretty well known. One can get the same effect without running the dryer, just hang up your wrinkled, or bar stinky, clothes in the bathroom while you take a hot shower with the door closed.
7. Stop wasting time looking for things you use often, like scissors, reading glasses, or baby wipes. Stock up and keep duplicates in the rooms where you spend the most time.
What I've learned is that the multiples will eventually migrate to one central location, somewhere near the Milky Way. Easier still is to have a place in each room where you keep necessities, and return those things to that place when you are done with them. Yes, there may be pens in my bathroom...but I never DON'T have a pen.
8. Designate 30 minutes after dinner for cleaning — and get everyone involved in folding laundry, doing dishes, and clearing away clutter.
Children used to be free labor and would do these things called "chores" sometimes for money, but usually just because their parents told them to. Usually "chores" were things like folding laundry, doing dishes and cleaning up. Amazing.
9. Store sets of sheets and pillowcases inside unfolded pillowcases to make bed changes fast and easy and minimize clutter in your linen closet.
If you've been digging in the linen closet for more than 5 minutes looking for a fitted sheet, maybe a better solution is to get rid of some of them. I was an au pair/housekeeper/status symbol for a while. The house had 10 beds...TEN FREAKING BEDS...6 of which I managed to make on a weekly basis without having a linen overload melt down, it's not that hard folks.
10. Program the phone numbers for your favorite take-out restaurants into your cell phone so you can call to pick up dinner on the way home and avoid paying for delivery.
You haven't done this already?
11. Create a file for coupons for your favorite restaurants and file them with take-out menus. Put the coupons that expire soonest at the front of the pack.
Sensible, I'll buy that for the dollar I save at Imperial China Wok Garden.
12. Set up a box for bills that need to be paid and stock it with stamps and envelopes.
See 10. Bills are important, you need to pay them. At the very least keep them in one place.
13. Organize your favorite articles, parenting information, and recipes so you can find them more quickly. Place pages from online sites, magazines, and newspapers in page protectors and stash them in a three-ring binder.
I've done this, but the only binder I ever returned to actually use was the recipes. I threw out the old binders a long time ago.
14. Store your child's outgrown clothes in large plastic bins and affix labels such as "0 to 3 months", "6 to 9 months", "9 to 12 months", and so on. Once your child has grown out of a size, you can easily store the clothes, loan them to a friend, or take them to a consignment shop.
Because everyone has unlimited room to store old clothes...maybe that's the great thing that happens when one has children, their home suddenly becomes a Tardis. I doubt it, a better idea would be to, you know, take the out grown clothes to a thrift store so someone else can use them. After all, if you're so into matching outfits (see item 1) are you really going to let your newest child wear the older children's nasty old clothes...I mean, you'll be having a baby shower for the new kid, so it's going to get new clothes anyway.
15. Set the table the night before and put items like bowls, utensils, cereal, fruit, toaster, and bread out to avoid a morning rush.
Mmm...room temp. fruit. Really? All this prep just for a bowl of cereal? Weird. I'm pretty sure I could get my own cereal by the age of four.
16. Shop for holiday and birthday gifts year-round. Whenever you see a great gift for someone you love, buy it and set it aside for giving later.
One of my grandmothers does this. It's a good idea if you don't buy for a bunch of people, or have a specified place where you store it. The problem I've seen with my grandma is you end up with closets of ungiven gifts that you've forgotten about. The bonus is I get mint condition antiques that I would have ruined if I'd gotten them the same year my grandmother bought them. I mean, if your house is already chock full of linens, stored children's clothes, prepurchased kids presents and cereal, where are you going to put all this crap?
17. Start a monthly meal exchange program with five friends and neighbors. Once a month, cook enough for two dinners. Stash one in the freezer and take the other to meet up with the group and swap healthy, freezer-ready main dishes. Then go home with four other meals, and put them in the freezer alongside the extra one you made for your family. Suddenly you're stocked up with a variety of easy, homemade dinners.
Lessee, if you don't have time to actually make dinners for your family, you are going to get the time to organize and implement this effort where? Here's a hint, teach your kids to cook at age appropriate levels, and encourage the person who helped you make those kids to help out around the house too...and no, your child does NOT have to participate in every after school activity under the sun.
18. Limit personal e-mail and computer time to twice a day.
Again, if you don't have time already, what are you doing sitting around on the computer?
19. Do all of your errands one day a week, working off a list and taking the most efficient route.
Whaaa? Plan ahead?! Surely you jest!
20. Hire a babysitter for a couple of hours on the weekend so you can tackle household duties and errands without kids in tow.
I'm sorry, but is EVERY childed family single parent? I know this is a novel concept, but someone had to help you make those kids, and if that someone is just sitting on their ass while you drag the kids through household chores and errands, perhaps THAT someone can look after the kids FOR FREE.
21. Chop all your vegetables, fruits, and herbs for the week's meals at one time so everything will be ready for cooking.
Thank you Captain Obvious! Prep work makes cooking faster...work in a restaurant for 2 minutes and you'll know this.
22. Add important appointments and activities to a master calendar in your e-mail in-box and set up reminders for up to one week ahead. This calendar can be shared with family members via e-mail. (Google Calendar, a free Web-based system, even sends reminders to cell phones.)
But don't go on the computer more than twice a day! There used to be these things, they hung on the wall and had all the days of the year on them...I think they were called "Wall Calendars". We had one hanging on the basement door, there were things written on it, and when we looked at it, we'd know what things were scheduled for that day....Right there! IN YOUR FACE! Woah.
23. Sort belongings into clear, labeled bins that can be stacked and stowed so your child can easily find things like DVDs and toys without your help. Use brightly colored labels and picture labels for toddlers and preschoolers who can't read.
Again, people have been doing this for at least the past 20 years, but thanks for the reminder.
24. Stop by the post office before 3 p.m. on weekdays, when the long lines usually begin to form, so you can get in and out more efficiently.
What wacky wonderland does this writer live in?! I've never been to the post office when there wasn't a line out the door...perhaps if they stopped feeding their employees Valium in the water, but that's a different rant.
25. Keep disinfecting and glass wipes in the bathroom for quick cleanups around toilets, sinks, and mirrors. You could even do a speedy wipe-down while you bathe the kids.
26. Keep a phone book in your car to avoid unnecessary calls to 411 and to quickly look up addresses.
You are correct! People should be encouraged to look up crap in the phone book while driving. Here's a better hint, PLAN AHEAD. Know where you are going BEFORE you leave the house, write the address down ON PAPER.
27. Set up two folders related to your child's schoolwork — one for school notices and the other for schoolwork you want to keep.
Here's a better idea, clean out all the crap at the end of every school year. And when you get a notice, write it on the "wall calendar", then recycle that too. My aunt kept all sorts of her kids school projects, and you know what happened, they sat in the basement. Now that the kids are all moved out, she cleaned out the basement and it was just another mildewy box for the landfill. Same with my mom, and my grandmother. No one cares but you, and chances are, you won't care either in 10 years.
28. Skip folding laundry and instead hang up all clothing except for socks, underwear, linens, and towels.
Ahhh...yes, the family home/Tardis. First, have your children help. Second, if you seriously do not have enough time to properly care for or store all the clothes you have, maybe you have too many clothes.
29. Grocery shop on the weekends or, if you don't want to waste precious weekend time, go to the store after the kids are in bed. You'll whiz through the store with much less frustration because you're not also feeling the pressure to get dinner on the table and everyone into bed on time.
Weekends? Groceries? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? If your time is so stretched that you can't spend it properly cleaning your home or folding teeshirts, shopping on the weekend isn't going to help. You see, that's when all the people who work during the week go shopping, and unless you live in Wisconsin and it's during a Packers game, shopping on the weekend will take twice as long. Maybe you can bring your teeshirts along and fold them in line.
30. Choose meats or other proteins that can be used for several meals during a week. A store-bought rotisserie chicken can be shredded and used for several dishes, like chicken enchiladas, homemade chicken soup, and chicken salad. Slow-cooked pork tenderloin can double as barbecued pork sandwiches with just a bottle of barbecue sauce. Cooked beans can go in salad, tacos, and vegetable soup.
It's called either "stretching your food", "leftovers", "hot dish" or "casserole". Anyone who grew up in a middle income home knows this...noodles can be added to anything to make it last twice as long.
31. Open mail with the trash can nearby so junk mail and catalogs can be thrown out immediately. Even better, sign up with a free service for reducing junk mail like the National Do Not Mail list.
Really? Opening your mail by the garbage makes it go faster? Wow, those extra seconds will really be of help when organizing your child's outgrown clothes in to labeled bins.
32. Keep cardboard boxes labeled "donate," "trash," or "consign" in the garage or storage closet to routinely rid your house of unused items and clutter.
Know this...if you need to open your mail by the garbage for extra precious seconds, consignment isn't the option for you. That takes time. A better idea is to put trash in the garbage can as soon as it becomes trash, and put all the usable stuff you want to get rid of in a box. When it's full, take it to the thrift store. Sure you won't get any money for it, but will the $4 you get from the consignment shop for your old jeans help you in the long run?
33. Save time and money on routine shopping trips by buying items like toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo, light bulbs, and batteries in twos when they're on sale.
Woah! A person can buy things cheaper "on sale"? HOLY CRAP!
34. Keep an overnight bag in your car with an extra outfit for each child, including diapers or underwear, nonperishable snacks, and toiletries. In the event of an emergency, messy meal, or whirlwind overnight trip, you're set
I didn't know the car became a Tardis as well once the children arrive. AMAZING! Don't they carry diaper bags any more? Isn't that where stuff like this went? Oh, and from what I know of parents, there is no such thing as a "whirlwind overnight trip".
35. Stock a binder or folder with a list of emergency contacts and household instructions for things like watering plants, pet care, and mail collection so you won't have to write everything out each time for a house sitter or babysitter.
I'll admit, this is a good one. Point given!
36. Designate a cabinet in your kitchen for medicine so you'll have easy access to everything from pain reliever to bandages when and where you need them. Make sure it's secured with a child-safe lock.
This home/car into Tardis business is really making me rethink the whole not having kids thing. I mean, I can always use more space. Seems as reasonable a reason to have kids than any of the others I've heard.
37. Sort medicine into small, labeled storage bins — one bin for children's medications, one for adult cough and cold remedies, one for first-aid supplies, and so on, and keep them in the locked cabinet.
Is there some reason why you can't just have the medicine in the medicine cabinet? Is there some reason why you can't read the bottle to make sure you're not dosing your kid on Drano accidentally? My parents managed this, and they were HIPPIES!
38. Tape the dosage instructions for common medications like children's acetaminophen to the inside of your medicine cabinet.
Yes, reading the bottle each time and retaining the information after several readings is difficult and time consuming.
39. Splurge on a super fast-drying hair dryer and cut hair-drying time in half.
Ohhh...guess what?! Water evaporates from hair naturally!! If you don't use a machine to dry your hair, guess what?! YOU WON'T SPEND TIME DRYING YOUR HAIR! Woah.
40. Keep a pack of thank-you cards in the glove box of your car or in your daily planner so you can write notes while sitting in the car or waiting for a doctor to see you.
NO! When you are in the fucking car, you should be fucking paying attention to the fucking world around you. If you don't have time to address invites to your child's party, why the fuck are you sitting in your car writing thank you notes?!
41. Turn your hangers backward at the beginning of every season. Anything left hanging on a hanger that's still turned backward at the end of the season hasn't been worn — give it away!
So, let me get this straight. You are so pressed for time that you need to open your mail over the garbage, because sitting down, opening it and then taking the unneeded mail to the garbage is too much time...BUT you do have time to turn all the clothes in your closet around so you know what to get rid of? There's these things, they're called priorities, and everyone abides by them. If it's important, you spend the time doing it, if it's not important...don't waste your time on it.
42. E-mail your thank-you notes instead of sending a card.
I see now....only go on the computer twice a day, but you can go on it as LOOOOONG as you want! Yes, thank you. Instead of madly writing out meaningless thank yous at red lights and drive up windows, why don't you just email it.
43. Schedule your child's doctor's appointments for first thing in the morning when you're less likely to have a long wait.
Okay, that's a good one, and probably why I can never get a morning doctors appointment.
44. Get rid of one bag of clothes, toys, and books for every bag that comes into the house. It means less stuff to clean up.
Or as normal people call it, "everytime you bring home new crap, throw out some old crap".
45. Write down or print out all-important phone numbers — for people like your child's doctor, the next-door neighbor, your veterinarian, and so on — and place the list in an inexpensive picture frame that you keep in your master bedroom or the kitchen. This way, you won't need to write out contact information for a sitter or grandparent — just point out the list, and they'll know who to call in case of emergency.
Why don't you just show the temporary care takers the binder of the same information that you made while following step #35? Is Capt. Obvious paid by the hint or what? Seriously, here's a more important time saving hint - don't keep doing the same shit over and over. Once you've made the binder, you don't have to condense it into a framed picture.
46. Fill a basket with socks and keep it near the front door so kids can quickly grab a pair. Put the shoes they wear most often next to the basket.
Tardis house! TARDIS HOUSE! When I was a child, I was able to not only retrieve my socks from the drawer they were stored in...all the way up in my bedroom, but also find my shoes there too. I guess I was extrey smrat or something.
47. Order diapers and wipes online — no more lugging big boxes home from the store.
What the hell? So you don't have time to get cereal bowls out in the morning because you're spending too much time schlepping crap home from the store? But I guess, when your 2 times on the computer last 3 hours a piece, you have to do something to make that time productive.
48. Label shelves in the linen closet so family members know where items like beach towels and guest room sheets belong.
Or teach them, with words. Maybe encourage them to know...like things go together.
49. Keep an assortment of greeting cards on hand, filed by occasion. You'll save time on trips to the store, and you can quickly take care of an unexpected birthday or send off a heartfelt condolence.
A heartfelt condolence with a card you bought 6 months ago. "This card says I recognize that something bad happened to you". You're right of course, showing people who aren't in your family unit that you care can take time away from your family unit, and that's bad.
50. Forget sorting laundry. Wash everything in cold water.
Yeah, I'm sure the person who dresses their infant in matching outfits all the time is really going to be keen on having dingy whites.
