I shop local and organic so ...TONGUE WASH MY DUMPER BITCHES!!!

This is going to be another continuing feature of this blog...at least as long as it holds my interest.

I am a member of a local food coop, and one of the perks is a monthly newsletter filled with recipes, food tips and CRAZY!!!! I've known many people who have worked at this coop, and nearly every single one of them ended up scarred by the experience. I had always wondered why...until I started actually reading the newsletter.

Below are some gems specially selected from the newsletter to make you puke in your mouth, and hate foodies just a little bit more. I've added my own responses, because obviously the coop is going to try to placate these people...at the expense of their own employee's mental health.


Kindly advise your cashiers not to shove food towards customers in an effort to make them bag groceries more quickly. It's a bit indecorous. Those items are food that we've spent our hard-earned money to buy. It feels a bit like being mistreated. I know you don't employ baggers in order to keep costs low, and I have no problem with bagging (in fact I enjoy it) but a note to the cashiers: patience please. - Signed "Don't Shove It"
Dear Shove It.
Seriously, this is your complaint? The bagger PUSHES the food toward you? Oh the HORROR!! Did you ever think that there might be other reasons for it beyond it's use to keep you from dicking around the bagging area and clogging up the place? Yes, in fact, the cashiers "shove" the food to (wait for it...wait for it) keep it from getting mixed up with the food of the customer who is being checked out while you're taking your sweet time putting your groceries in those fancy, organic cotton bags you just paid 20 bucks a piece for. Now, here's something actual for your martyr complex...fuck off.


We're a stones throw from some of the best organic and conventional apples in the country, and every apple in the stores is from AZ, WA, CA, even MX!!! What gives? - Signed Apples
Dear Apples:
Most of our apples are locally grown, why don't you OPEN YOUR GODDAMNED EYES AND READ THE SIGNS? Yes, we know it's hard because everything has to have a dozen signs on it labeling everything from allergy cautions, place of origin, the wages of the people who produced it and whether or not it is family friendly because you asshats claim it's TOO HARD to find these things on the packaging...so we post signs upon signs upon signs that no one reads because they're everyfuckwhere.


How is it justifiable to charge such high prices - especially during a recession? - signed High Prices
Dear High Prices:
Did you know that the coop is actually a BUSINESS, and that a main component of staying in business is taking in REVENUE (psst..that means money)? In fact, the coop is in the food business and as a result must be housed in a building, have access to electricity and water. The coop must also hire people to service your complaining ass. All of these things cost MONEY. In order to get that money the coop must SELL goods for prices higher than what they paid for those goods. Yes, there is a recession but that does not mean the costs of keeping our doors open do not decrease. Our GOODS cost MORE because they are made in smaller amounts, have a higher quality and well...did we mention that we like to pay our employees? If you do not want to pay for the ACTUAL VALUE of the food your are consuming, I suggest you take your sorry ass to Walmart, there you can get all the cheap crap you could ever want. Robots and/or children make it, so you won't be subsidising their wages.