Bad Sister takes over the Leopard Print Lounge

I can't trash the place, she made me leave a deposit...if you know what I mean. HAR HAR! Anyway, I am subbing again for the lovely Ms. Jenni for some hot, leopard action!
Cursing, drinking, swearing, smoking, cussing, playing pool, bad language and stickin' it to The Man! Gosh, I love the 11pm till 2am slot.

Killer Pussy - Pocket Pool - Valley Girl soundtrack
Petra Haden - Maryanne With The Shaky Hand - Sings: The Who Sell Out
Screaming Cyn Cyn and the Pons - Lonely Creepy - Babysit
Peaches - Rock The Shocker - Impeach My Bush
Wet Spots - Kinky Neighbors - Ribbed for Pleasure
Tom Heinl - Half Day Vacation - With or Without Me
The Neil Pollack Invasion - Memories of Times Square (the dildo song) - Never Mind The Pollacks
Evolution Control Committe - Parts 4 & 5 - Ritalin Ruckus
Lovecraft Technologies - Larceny - S/T
The Kinks - Yes Sir, No Sir - Authur or The Decline and Fall of the British Empire
Pulp - Sorted for E's and Wizz - Different Class
Faghat - Faghat Land - The Future is Coming
Shaw - Sluts On Parade - Under The Radar: Vol. 1
Beatallica - ...And Justice For All My Lovin' - S/T
Lenny Bruce - Blah Blah Blah - To Is a Preposition; Come Is A Verb
Lenny Bruce - Would You Sell Out Your Country? - To Is A Preposition; Come Is A Verb
Aniv De La Rev - El Dishwashero - The Lost Months
Ween - THe Grobe - White Pepper
Sleater-Kinney - Let's Call It Love - The Woods
Sonic Youth - Rats - Rather Ripped
Spinal Tap - Hell Hole - S/T
King Missile - Jesus Was Way Cool (live) - My Heart Is A Flower (single)
King Missile III - America Kicks Ass - Royal Lunch
Subtle - The Long Vein Of The Law - A New White
Peeping Tom - Don't Even Trip - S/T
Yohimbe Brothers - Transmission XXX - Front End Lifter
Girl Talk - Bang This In The Club - Unstoppable
The Fall - What About Us? - Fall Heads Roll
Peelander-Z - Detroit Rock City - P-Bone Steak
Eagles of Death Metal - Chase The Devil - Death By Sexy
Coachwhips - You Gonna Get It - Bangers Vs. Fuckers
MC5 - I Just Don't Know - Turds On A Bum Ride: Vol. 1
Lovely Feathers - In The Valley - Hind Hind Legs
!!! - Pardon My Freedom -Louden Up Now
Puffy Ami Yumi - Go Baby Power Now - Splurge
Little Ritchie Ray - Hummp-a-baby - A Dirty Shame sntrk.
The Loafers - Crazy Talk - The Complete, Insane, Madness Invasion
Porest - Skin Bitch - Prude Juice For The Heritage Swinger
Porest - Fist Dumplings - Prude Juice For The Heritage Swinger
TV On The Radio - Bomb Yourself - Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes
Butthole Surfers - Hey - PCPPEP
Math - Elrod's Babydoll Mambo - Basic
Alien Sex Fiend - 30 Second Coma - Acid Bath

Children, they are not fun

I have not blogged here in a looooong while, obviously. I did just get back from a glorious week long vacation, well actually a glorious 4 day long vacation. The first 3 days involved a 2 year old child, which was not so glorious, relaxing or fun. Honest.

Here are some things I learned about 2 year old children and parenting. Amazingly enough, none involve relaxation.
1. A two year old has one reaction. It involves screaming. Happy? Screaming. Milk the wrong temp? Screaming. Hungry? Screaming. Dirty diaper? Screaming. Wanna play? Screaming. Seriously, I do not know how the parents figured out what the kid wanted, but whenever the tone of the screaming changed, they'd go through a list of questions, and I guess would determine the solution to problem by a subtle shift in the tone of their child's screams.

2. Two seems to be pretty much the age when parents give up. I think it's because of the screaming. I remember right around when the child was born, the parents were very conscious...no TV, ever, it will stunt the child's mind. No sugar or processed foods, it will destroy the child's health. A million outfits, we'll have a clean child. During the 3 days we were together, the child had several videos to watch, which he'd seen so many times he could pretty much scream right along with them. He ate 3 full sized hershey's bars, or at least some part of them, which helped with the screaming. However, he was allowed to wear many dirty and wet outfits, which should be the norm on all vacations, I do not begrudge his parents that.

3. Having children is wasteful. They will not finish the food they are given, they'll get distracted, full or start screaming about it. You will probably have to throw it away because they will have finger-banged it to death, thrown it on the floor or smeared it on something or someone, themselves included. I do not know how a child consumes enough to grow, but from what I've seen it involves constantly encouraging the child to eat a bite, and hoping that over the course of the day they consume enough individual bites to meet their daily caloric needs.

4. Parents work in shifts, and this is why every child should have at least two parents of whatever gender combination works. Very rarely were they together with the child, which makes perfect and total sense. If you share equal responsibility with someone for something that screams constantly, wouldn't you split up that responsibility as much as possible, even if it means that you rarely see the person you had chosen to spend your life with? It was actually a petty interesting dynamic to watch.

5. Silence is golden, beautiful and something to be treasured and nurtured. We should relish in our silences and the ability to maintain them. This is something that parents only get between the hours of 10pm, when the screaming finally stops, and 4am, when the screaming starts again.

6. I am fine with children in small doses, however this has cemented my decision that parenting is definetly NOT a path I want to take in my life. If you feel you must have any children, you should seriously sit down and realize that children are small and helpless beings that can only communicate via screaming at the top of their lungs for at least 2 years straight. To be honest, I think that might be the easy part. As far as I can tell, you do not get vacations from your children, you do not get to take a break and go home at the end of the day and you will get the stink eye if you continue to live your life as a non-parent with the kids in tow (seriously, they do not belong in bars, porn stores or concerts). They are yours and it will be your responsibility to raise them. If you feel like other people will, or should, watch your child in public, you are seriously deficent in the skills and desire to raise a child to be a productive and cooperative member of society. If you think that frozen, premade peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are a great idea because you simply do not have the time, energy or desire to apply peanut butter and jelly to bread, you should not be a parent. If you don't feel like you can deal with something that requires a constant 24-7 commitment for several years at least, then it's a pretty good bet that you should not have children of your own.